


Fading Away

by catsaretriangles



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bulimia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, F/F, Femslash, Friendship/Love, High School, Inpatient, New Friendship, New School, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsaretriangles/pseuds/catsaretriangles
Summary: Taiki x Haruka femslash AU/ Taiki is a shy but intelligent girl who struggles with bulimia and self esteem issues, Haruka is a carefree fun loving teen with a secret soft side. When Taiki gets transferred to a new school, they slowly become friends but Haruka finds herself struggling to keep her new friend from fading away completely.





	1. Chapter One

Taiki Kou had always been the perfect child. She always came home with perfect grades, her teachers loved her and she was the top student in every single one of her classes. But she was never enough for her mother.

Her dad had left years ago and so her mother took over all the responsibility of raising and caring for her teenage daughter. Over time Taiki slowly began to lose her value in her mom's eyes. She was never good enough, she constantly had to do better and it was killing her. So she eventually started purging as a way of coping.

It had first started around a year previous after an awful fight broke out between them and suddenly her supper felt like poison in her stomach. She ran upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom, dropping on her knees in front of the toilet. She shoved two fingers down her throat, tears filling her eyes as she began to gag. Everything came up rather quickly and she felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. The nasty words her mother had shouted at her and the feeling of self hatred had momentarily been replaced.

She told herself she'd never do it again but she broke that promise less then two days later after she came home with a 97% on her math test and her mom freaked. So dinner came up and into the toilet. She made several promises to herself that she'd quit but reality hit her when less then six months her dentist found several cavities in her mouth.

She pretended she didn't know where they came from and although her mother was furious, she believed her. So the girl resorted to restricting her eating as much as possible but she still wound up purging at least three times a week. It had started out as a way of coping and it slowly started to affect her self esteem.

She'd started out at 155 lbs, which for a 5ft10 girl which was a fairly healthy weight but as the weight slowly began to fall off so did her self esteem. Her body looked like that of an obese woman in her eyes even though she was fairly slim. She found herself spiraling downwards and didn't know how to pull herself out of it.

It was now a year after everything had began and she'd dropped down to 139 lbs. She had begged her school to let her wear the guy's uniform and they had reluctantly agreed. The uniform was completely black with blue pockets and a blue collar with a bright yellow star on it. It fit loosely on her, hiding her shrinking body from the world. Her mother had thrown a fit when she saw her wearing it for the first time as she thought it made her look more masculine but she didn't care.

Because of her excellent grades her school had transferred her to a private school with more advanced classes, as well as she'd be put in a class one grade above her. She was incredibly stressed since this was her first day at the new school and she didn't know what to expect.

She'd woken up extra early and had eaten an apple quickly before writing it down in her journal, then rushing over to her closet to put on her old uniform. She brushed her long auburn hair for a few minutes before pulling it back into it's usual ponytail.

Her mom wasn't home which was a huge relief for her. She grabbed her schedule and read it over as she walked downstairs. "Math, then chemistry..." she read out loud as she put on her black runners.

She raced out the door and started walking. She'd seen the school once before so she wasn't totally clueless as to where she was headed. The wind blowing through her hair calmed her slightly as she kept her footing on the ground. It was rather nerve wracking starting over at a new school, but if it would make her mom proud then she was happy.

Groups of chatty teens rushed by her, giggling and yelling as they ran frantically. She sighed, casting her gaze down towards the ground. She'd never had too many friends, let alone a large group of them that all hung out together. The only friends she had were at her old school.

Forcing a smile onto her face, she kept walking until the school appeared in sight. It was a rather large building that might be considered as intimidating to some people but it filled with her with excitement as it grew closer. The sign was now close enough that she could read the large letters that read Maple's Private High School.

She felt lucky that she was arriving at the start of a new semester so she wouldn't feel too awkward walking in to a new class and being introduced as the new girl to everyone. She hoped that nobody would notice her so she could just be left alone.

She entered the school and began wandering down the halls, trying to scout out her classrooms. She still had 20 minutes before her first class began for the day. "Let's see," she muttered, pulling out her schedule again. "I have math in room 134.."

She eventually found the room she was looking for and she walked in, only about 5 minutes early. Several people were already sitting down and there was an empty table towards the back of the room. She walked towards it and claimed the left chair, silently praying that nobody would sit beside her.

After a few minutes passed, a tall lady with short brown hair and aqua blue eyes walked in and silently observed the class before writing her name down on the board. 'Mrs. Aki'. 

Taiki pulled out her binder and opened it to the section she'd designated for math. Grabbing a blue pen from the binder's outer pocket she began quietly writing down notes as the teacher spoke.

Halfway through the lesson Mrs. Aki was interrupted by a loud knocking at the door. Scowling, she walked over to the door and pulled it open. Standing at the door was a person that Taiki couldn't tell if they were a boy or girl based on how they were dressed. They had short messy blonde hair and bright blue eyes that sparkled with mischief and a cocky smirk. They wore the male's uniform which consisted of a white undershirt with a red jacket, along with a plaid tie and matching pants. "Tenoh, you're late. Go take a seat beside Kou at the back." she demanded, pointing at the seat beside the brunette.

Taiki shrunk a little in her seat and focused her attention on her notes as the blonde walked over to her table, taking a seat beside her. She felt a tap on her shoulder and she lifted her gaze up to meet the blue eye's of her classmate. "Can I borrow your notes?" the person asked, Taiki now being able to tell that the blonde was a girl from her voice.

She sighed and passed her sheet of notes over to her. The blonde smiled and mumbled a thanks to her.

The remainder of class passed by quickly and once the bell rang, Taiki eagerly gathered her stuff up, wanting to get out of the incredibly awkward social environment.

She began walking away before she felt a hand on her shoulder. Spinning around, she found herself face to face with the blonde from earlier. "You might want this back." she said, offering her notes back.

Taiki eyed her cautiously as she grabbed her paper, stuffing it in her binder. "Arigatou." she muttered, trying to run off before she could get corned with more talking.

But the blonde stopped her once again. "Wait! I didn't catch your name."

"Kou Taiki."

"Taiki. That's a pretty name. I'm Tenoh Haruka. See you tomorrow Kou!"

Taiki breathed a sigh of relief at the moment of silence she finally had. She dug her schedule back out as she exited the class. "Next is chemistry in room 156." she mumbled, as she began wandering down the halls.


	2. Chapter Two

The morning passed by quickly for Taiki and before she knew it, it was already lunchtime. She had passed by the cafeteria earlier so thankfully she wasn't too clueless as to where she was going, but the group of kids racing down the halls would have tipped her off if she hadn't known.

She'd quickly grabbed her lunch from her locker and tried to get to the cafeteria as quickly as possible to find an empty table. Thankfully she spotted an empty one in the corner and she breathed a sigh of relief as she made a dash from it.

She snatched a seat at the table and sat down with her lunch. She opened the small brown bag to reveal the lunch she'd packed for herself. A sandwich, some juice, a couple cookies, a chocolate bar and an apple. She planned on purging it anyways right after so it didn't bother her as much.

She began to eat quickly, not wanting anyone to see her so she could run off and purge it before class began. She was halfway done when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Spinning around she found herself face to face with the same blonde from earlier. "Mind if I sit here?"

She wanted to say no but before she had the chance to say anything, the girl had already sat down beside her making her feel incredibly self conscious about what she was eating. Haruka pulled out a small salad and a bottle of water, causing Taiki to blush in embarrassment at her own unhealthy choices.

"So are you new here?"

Taiki felt herself about to burst into tears and she quickly stood up with her bagged lunch. "I have to go." she muttered, as she began running away.

"Oi! Matte!" she heard the girl yell after her, but she kept running.

She ran until she spotted the bathroom at the end of the hall. She locked herself in a stall and quickly finished her remaining cookie and apple. She stuck the core in her bag as she dropped to her knees on the ground.

Doing what she'd done so many times before, she stuck two fingers down her throat, as she began to gag. The food surprisingly came up quickly and after about 10 minutes she was done. She stood up and flushed, picking up her bag as well.

She walked out of the stall, throwing her bag in the trash beside the sink before washing her hands. As she washed them, she noticed her red bloodshot eyes and her swollen cheeks. She quickly splashed cold water on her face before walking out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened.

She began walking towards her locker to grab her binder when a loud commotion behind her caught her attention. She turned around and saw the same blonde standing behind her except this time she wasn't paying attention to her. She had her arm around a slightly shorter blue haired girl who appeared to be giggling. Everyone was aweing and cooing over them and she managed to hear the words "they're such a cute couple."

She proceeded to ignore them as she continued walking but she wasn't quick enough as Haruka noticed her. "Oi! Kou! Why'd you run off earlier?" she called out, as she released the blue haired girl from her grip.

Taiki gritted her teeth and kept on walking, determined not to say another word to her. That pissed the other girl off, and she continued to chase after her. "What the hell is your problem? Most girls would jump at the chance to be my friend! I just thought you looked lonely."

The brunette snapped and spun around sharply, glaring at her as she clenched her fists. "Leave me alone." she hissed. "I don't want to be your stupid little charity case."

Haruka was about to respond when the same blue haired girl latched onto her arm, kissing her gently. "Let's leave her alone."

Taiki breathed a sigh of relief as the pair left, and pulled out her schedule to check what she had next.

/

Once her afternoon classes were over, Taiki began the dreaded walk home. When she got home she silently prayed that her mother wasn't home and to her delight, she wasn't. She quickly dropped her bag on the ground as she raced to the kitchen.

She just wanted to eat something so she could purge before her mom got home. She grabbed handfuls of cookies, fruit, diet coke, and whatever she could get her hands on and ate until she was full.

Then she quickly ran upstairs and purged, ending another one of her daily rituals. She heard the door begin to open and she quickly flushed the toilet, washing her hands and rinsing her mouth out with mouthwash before running downstairs to greet her mother.

Her mother stood at the kitchen table, reading over some piece of paper in her hands. She looked nothing like Taiki and most people wouldn't know that they were related. She had long black hair which she currently had up in a bun, and small hazel eyes. The only feature she shared with her daughter was that they both had unusually big foreheads.

She looked up from the table at Taiki and put her paper down on the table. "Hello Taiki. How was your first day at your new school?" she asked, as the brunette took a seat beside her.

Taiki shrugged. "It was alright, I guess."

"That's good. Although you'd better not fail like you did at your old school. I can't believe they thought you were good enough to move up a grade. Your highest mark last semester was only a 96%!"

She sighed in response, casting her gaze down towards the table. "Gomen." she muttered.

"It's ok Taiki. Just do better this time." she replied, as she walked towards the fridge to start preparing supper.

Taiki stood up and began walking upstairs to her bedroom but her mom stopped her. "Where are you going? Aren't you hungry?"

"My stomach's bothering me right now but I'll have some supper later."

Her mom muttered something snarky in response but she ignored her as she ran upstairs.

When she reached her room, she entered quickly slamming the door shut behind her. She flopped down on her bed, her stomach grumbling out of hunger as she laid there silently, wishing that she could just disappear from the world entirely.


	3. Chapter Three

The next day came all too quickly for Taiki's liking. She'd fallen asleep early the night before and had totally missed supper. When she woke up the next morning, her stomach let out a loud grumble telling her the obvious.

She slowly sat up in her bed just as a wicked headache hit her, obviously caused by her lack of eating. She was thankful that her mom had already left for work or else she would have been in for a long lecture about missing supper the night before.

She debated about going downstairs and eating something but her teeth felt extremely sore after all of the purging she'd done recently so she decided she'd try and fast today, that way she wouldn't have to chew anything or consume any calories. Sure she was only trading one bad habit for another but in her mind it all made sense.

She quickly took a shower and changed into her uniform so that she wouldn't be late and headed off on her walk to school. It was extremely chilly outside and she shivered frequently, wishing she'd brought a jacket with her.

By the time she got to school she was feeling rather light headed and felt like she needed to sit down right away. She told herself it was because she'd had a long walk and it was freezing outside but deep down she knew it was because of the way she'd been eating.

She took a quick 5 minute rest on one of the benches in the hallway before forcing herself to get up and continue on. She walked over to her locker, and robotically went through the motions of unlocking it, opening it, grabbing her binder, shutting the door and locking it back up.

She walked over to her math class, entering quietly and taking a seat at her table before opening her binder and setting everything up for when class began. She could feel a headache coming on so she silently prayed that that blonde would be sick today and she wouldn't have to deal with her again.

The class started and Taiki breathed a sigh of relief when she realized the blonde wasn't there. Her head was still pounding and her vision was a little blurry but she was able to jot the notes down that were on the board without a problem.

Then all of a sudden, 20 minutes into the class there was a knock on the door. Taiki crossed her fingers as Mrs. Aki walked over to the door, that it wouldn't be Haruka. The door opened and there stood the cocky blonde, an apologetic smirk on her face as Mrs. Aki gave her another warning about being late.

Haruka shrugged it off and marched on over to her seat beside Taiki. Before she could even sit down the brunette had already passed her her notes without a word. The blonde attempted to thank her but Taiki only glared at her in return. Haruka cocked an eyebrow at her but quickly copied down the notes while Taiki tore a new sheet of paper out of her binder so that she wouldn't fall behind.

The class eventually finished and Taiki quickly gathered up her stuff to try and avoid any confrontations. She made it into the hallway before she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see the blonde standing there, appearing as if she wanted to say something.

"I wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday." she began, offering her a simple smile. She started to say more but Taiki wasn't paying attention. She was seeing little black spots all over the place and she felt like she was going to pass out. She took one step back but it was too late. "I should have realized you were uncomfortable an-" Haruka was cut off when the brunette collapsed, blacking out in the middle of the hallway.

/

When Taiki woke up she was in a small white room, on what appeared to be an examination table like what you'd see in a doctor's office. She slowly sat up and moaned when her headache came back full force, hitting her before she had the chance to even grasp what was happening.

"Daijoubu?"

The brunette looked over to see the other girl sitting there, watching her with a concerned look on her face.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have class?"

"Well, I was trying to talk to you and you fainted. People were starting to gather around you and so I scooped you up and took you to the nurse's office, which is where we currently are."

"That answers one of my questions, but-"

"I have a spare right now, it's fine. I wanted to make sure you were ok."

Taiki stared at her for a minute, trying to figure out if this was some kind of prank. "Arigatou." she said hesitantly.

"Listen what I was trying to say earlier is I wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday. You looked lonely and I thought you could use a friend, and when you pushed me away I blew up at you and I apologize. I shouldn't have acted like that, I should have respected the fact that you were uncomfortable."

"It's alright, you were just trying to be friendly and I wasn't reciprocating. I'm not really a social person, I tend to stick by myself most of the time." she said, just as the door opened.

In walked the school nurse who smiled when she saw that Taiki was up. "Ah Taiki, I'm glad you're awake. I'm Mrs. Okada, the school nurse here. Your friend over there brought you here earlier, she said you fainted."

The brunette nodded. "Hai, I've been fighting a cold and I didn't have time to eat this morning so that's probably why." she lied.

The nurse walked over to one of her cupboards and pulled out a granola bar. "Here. Eat this. We keep a stash of emergency food in case a student needs it." she said, as she handed the bar over.

Taiki took one look at it and groaned internally. She had planned to fast all day but one little granola bar wasn't going to make her fat was it? She took note of the calories on the back and promised that she'd write it down in her notebook when she had the chance. She unwrapped it and took a bite, as Haruka stood up from her chair.

"I think the bell just went, I have class now." she said to Mrs. Okada. "Taiki, I'll see you in class tomorrow. If you need anything you know where to find me." she said before exiting.

She quickly finished her granola bar before tossing the wrapper away. She had already missed one class and she didn't want to be late for another.

"Stay safe Taiki." Mrs. Okada said sweetly, as the young student walked away.

As Taiki walked her thoughts flooded her mind, maybe she was wrong about Haruka. Maybe it wouldn't hurt her to have one person she could talk to. A small but genuine smile crossed her face as she realized she might actually make a real genuine friend.


	4. Chapter Four

The day passed by fairly quickly for Taiki after the whole passing out incident but all in all her afternoon wasn't that bad. She was actually slightly happy about the possibility that she might make a new friend and she had a smile on her face that wouldn't seem to go away.

The only downside to her afternoon was she couldn't bring herself to eat anything aside from the granola bar she'd had earlier on so she was beginning to feel really light headed and dizzy again. By the time school was over she had a major headache that just wouldn't seem to go away.

It was halfway through her walk home when she remembered her mom got off work early today and she'd be waiting for her at home. She knew she'd be in for a lecture about missing supper the night before and she was dreading it plus having a headache on top of it was only going to make things worse. She sighed as she continued to walk with her binder in one hand that was beginning to feel more and more like a ton of bricks by the minute.

By the time she got home she was practically trembling as she reached for the door knob, knowing her mom would be yelling at her as soon as she stepped foot into the house. She stood there for a couple minutes, cherishing the peace and silence before she finally grabbed the door knob and opened the door.

The second her foot touched the floor she heard her mother's voice echoing from the kitchen. "Taiki."

She gulped nervously but marched on forward, bracing herself for the upcoming confrontation. She stepped foot into the kitchen as she robotically walked over to the kitchen table where her mother was seated. She found herself sitting down across the table from her as she slammed her binder down loudly on the tabletop.

Her mother glared at her but said nothing. There was a long eerie silence that lasted for several minutes, Taiki's mom's hazel eyes boring into her soul as she watched her, before the older woman finally spoke. "Why did you skip supper last night?" she asked quietly, her voice hidden with venom even though her approach was sweet.

Taiki could feel her hands starting to become clammy and she was very thankful that they were hidden underneath the table. She steadied herself for a moment before staring her mother straight in the eyes and then telling her lie. "I wasn't feeling very well and as soon as I went upstairs to lay down for a nap I just passed out. Gomen, I forgot to tell you what happened."

"That's not an excuse Taiki. You need proper nutrition to make sure your brain is functioning properly so you pass your classes. We can't have you getting low marks like you got at your last school. I'm surprised that they thought you could go up a grade! I thought that was only for the genius kids."

The young woman winced at her mother's words and tried to blink away the tears pricking her eyes. "Yes mother. I will do better this time."

Her mother huffed as she folded her arms across her chest. "Good, I will hold you to that. I don't want to have to tell my friends about your embarrassingly low marks." she said sternly as she stood up from her chair. "I'm going out now for a few hours. I expect dinner to be on the table by the time I'm home."

Taiki knew her mother was just delusional but that didn't stop her words from getting to her. She watched as her mom walked away and grabbed her purse before leaving the house.

She could feel the urge to binge coming back and she knew she shouldn't do it but she needed to feel stable again and besides she'd only do it once more and then never again. This would be an epic binge and purge session, an epic farewell to the bad behavior.

She got up from her chair, walking slowly to the kitchen and looking around cautiously as her mind screamed at her not to be so stupid. But she went and ignored the voice in her head telling her to stop and began grabbing any kind of food she could get her hands on.

All she could focus on was eating to numb the pain she felt inside. She ate and ate until she was stuffed so full she felt like she was going to vomit. Too many calories lingering inside her, it had all tasted so good and it had satisfied her cravings and had numbed the pain slightly but she knew if she didn't purge that she'd surely gain weight.

She stood up slowly, brushing crumbs and wrappers off her clothes and walked over to the stairs, trying not to pass out as the pain from her overly full stomach grew and grew.

She felt fat and terrible about herself and regretted bingeing and even though she knew she was going to purge anyways she still felt extremely guilty.

She made it to the bathroom and dropped down in front of the toilet like she had so many times before and shoved her fingers down her throat. She puked and puked until her stomach was empty. She weakly stood up, flushing the toilet and lifted her shirt up as she looked at her reflection.

Her stomach had been slightly bloated before but now it was mostly flat again although her face showed the effects of what she'd done. Her cheeks were puffed out and her eyes were bloodshot and there were tear streaks everywhere.

She sighed, pulling her shirt back down as she tried to splash cold water on her face.

She wearily walked back downstairs to clean up her mess, trying to stay conscious so she didn't pass out on the floor.

After about a half hour of cleaning she grabbed her binder from off the table and made her way up to her room, slamming the door behind her.

She sat down on her bed and opened it to her study notes from chemistry. She tried to focus on the words on the paper but her vision was too blurred and she could barely think.

She closed her binder and set it down on the floor before curling up on her bed, tears slowly beginning to trickle down her cheeks as she clutched her pillow tightly.

She was supposed to be the genius, she wasn't supposed to be the girl with the eating disorder. She was supposed to be better then this, she wasn't supposed to be eating 3000 calories in one sitting and then vomiting it all up. She was supposed to be getting perfect grades so she could get into the best college!

A sob escaped her as she clutched her pillow even tighter.

She hated herself. She was a failure. She was supposed to be the genius but instead she was just letting everyone down.

She cried and cried until she fell asleep, her secret safe inside her brain and away from the rest of the world where everyone saw her as Taiki the Genius. One day they'd find her out and then they wouldn't think that about her anymore but for now she was content to let them look up to her.


End file.
